Wednesday, February 24, 2010

That White Dress

The dress fits. It zips. I can breathe. Just like the day I wore it. This is proof that numbers are just that. Numbers. I weigh approximately 15 pounds more today than I did January 6, 2001. I'm mostly okay with that. The normal part of me knows that's okay. But there's the eating disorder part that whispers so subtly - but so very loudly - that the number needs to be lower.

Be aware.

Exercise addiction and eating disorders often go hand in hand. Most of me is completely recovered from the eating. I can do mind over matter for the most part. I hit the gym 25 days out of 31 in January. While most would consider this healthy - it's teetering on the line of obsession for me. It's caused me to pull out that dreaded scale again. The one I bought after I threw the other one out 7 years ago. The number determines the mood for the day. When asked what you would have if you could have anything for an entire day, what would you want? Me - I'd want to not think about my body, weight or food one single time in 24 hours. I'd want to be comfortable in my skin. Just even for a minute.

21 comments:

Neisha said...

beautiful dress! I never weight myself. I go by how I feel in my clothes

Amber said...

Love the dress...I almost it for my wedding :) I have recently begun the diet/exercise routine...and feel the pull to buy another scale so I can track that number. I haven't had an eating disorder, but sometimes I feel like my habits could turn into one. I think about my body etc more than I would ever admit..it's so maddening. I'm glad you posted this...a great reminder that the number is nothing but a number. You look beautiful to me :) Maybe I should try my dress on :)

Amber said...

almost bought*

Mindy said...

i want to try my dress on now too. always remember that muscle weighs more than fat & like neisha said how you feel in your clothes is more important than any number on the scale.

Shannon said...

yeah. see...i feel like crud in most everything i own. maybe that's the problem...i need new clothes!

sg said...

When I saw your post I had to crack up because Jonna begged me to dig out my dress the other night! Avrie and Jonna were separated at birth I think (besides being born in different years). She put one of her princess crowns on me and said I looked like a real princess. I know that's not true, but I'll eat it up anyway! Btw...I couldn't breathe in my dress and the zipper wouldn't stay closed. And I'm not my wedding day weight either-thanks to my kids, getting older and a slower metabolism now. I like what Neisha said too. If I have on a cute sweater or skirt, or fun pair of shoes, it takes my mind off of the cottage cheese hiding underneath!

Lani said...

Hey beautiful. Brave post. And so good to see you posting more again. Yay. So, I've been scale free for two weeks tomorrow. Scary. But kinda fun. Good you know yourself and your limits and your tendencies. Exercise is a MUST for me, but only because if I don't I'm quite certain I'd be on some sort of medication. My happy pill. And lucky for me, I also happen to love it.

Tim and Melissa said...

Beautiful...the dress and you!

Pam said...

what a beautiful dress and you look beautiful in it!

Sara, Justin and Simon said...

you are gorgeous, thank you for the post. I only wish I looked as amazing as you do!!

Mindy said...

start shopping unique for you & not the kiddos!

Shannon said...

mindy- i have. and i've gotten a couple cute things recently. part of the problem is i really don't know what style/cut looks good on me. i need a personal stylist! because that's affordable..ha!

amber - i still want to smash my scale like you did.

Amber said...

Shannon: We should get together again...I love to help people pick out clothes and (so I'm told) I'm a good judge of what cuts work. I totally feel like having clothes that fit well helps. You looked radiant in that brown dress you wore the day we met at IKEA :)

Chloe said...

I just wanna say that I think you're gorgeous...and your 3 kiddos are absolute dolls....and although I can't really say I know ya all that well I'm pretty certain based on your blog posts and what I know about your parents that you must be pretty beautiful on the inside, which is all that matters! I know for a fact without even digging it out that there's NO way I'd fit into my wedding dress (even if I subtracted the preggo belly) and the fact that you can still wear yours after 3 kids is awesome!! I'm hoping to change the body shape after this kiddo comes out....but I know it ain't gonna be easy!

Cheri said...

Shannon...you look awesome! I've been in the mood to get out my wedding dress again...think my boys would want to play princess?

bravo...great post

Anita B said...

You're beautiful.
Just that simple!
(and so are your kids- little doll babies!)

Janelle said...

You look fantastic!!!

Mindy said...

ina is a great personal shopper. maybe you should email her for suggestions or we could all shop when she's here again!

Gwen said...

Remember how many memories that specific dress has...the frantic ones????
that would be an interesting post..the notes of our tracking days are here at home..
wedding dress disaster to be solved..
YOU are YOU..be happy with YOU..unique,one of a kind,YOU.

Mj said...

awww. you have a dress.. a real dress. very beautiful ( you in it and the dress!).
have fun! what have you been doing at the gym?

Shannon said...

martha - i do an hour spin class 2-3x per week, run twice a week, bodypump 2-3x per week and hit the hottub occasionally.