Thursday, August 16, 2007

Self Worth and the Media

I used to read eating disorder memoirs for tips on how to starve and purge not for hope of recovery. I am a former exercise addict. 12 miles/day was my average. Much less and I'd walk after dark. I kept my body alive on 500 calories and 5 grams of fat a day. The fat came from one frozen cookie dough ball. No wonder I had a meltdown. Thankfully this phase only lasted a couple years and I got help through therapy. However, at what point does negative body image end? And why do we have it? I'm very thankful my Mom didn't buy me teen magazines. However, this didn't stop me from buying them myself when I had the money. They are filled with unrealistic, airbrushed, gaunt models and we think their bodies are attainable. Today's men are influenced by this as well and expect normal women to look like this. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who loves me exactly the way I am (but I have to keep telling myself this over and over again). I used to subscribe to a magazine (can't remember what it was now) that discontinued and now the publisher sends me Marie Claire as a replacement. I should just throw them away as soon as they come but usually I flip through them off and on for a few days before it makes its way to the trash. I feel horrible for those few days. Take this morning: we were going to hop in the car and run to the library to pick up a book that was in for me. But I weighed myself first and wasn't happy with the result so we walked. I hate that numbers have so much control over how I feel and what I do. A few years ago I threw my scale away and it was so liberating. I'm not quite sure why I bought another one. Okay, so I do know. I'm still recovering. When will it end?

Here's to a magazine-free home: Cheers.


Mindy, Craig, Micah & Ayla said...

Oh are so beautiful. The number on the scale is just a number - it doesn't mean anything.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad my kids made me a gramma...cuz gmas are sposed to be soft and that nice for chunky...